What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and...

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

TEXT:

Why do Puerto Ricans come to this country flying their flags over in the United States all over their cars? They're so proud of their country. Why are they here?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

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And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

What would happen if the Earth stopped spinning for one minute?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

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Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

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And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

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At least until the peyote kicks in ...